


The last thing he needed

by Winglesss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Doctor Castiel, First Kiss, M/M, Not Beta Read, Nurse Dean, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 06:17:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5279951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winglesss/pseuds/Winglesss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is a nurse and he gets enough bullshit on his job, so he doesn't need to complicate things and go and fall in love with the new MD resident, especially because Cas is as weird as a hermit can be. But he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The last thing he needed

**Author's Note:**

> Originally prompted and posted on [tumblr](http://cas-lost-grace.tumblr.com/post/133890183813/the-last-thing-he-needed)

Just another terrible day in Dean Winchester’s life. First he’s been puked on by a five year old with apendicitis, then he was called a faggot because only faggots can do women’s job like being a nurse obviously. He doesn’t even know if it would piss him off more if he was straight.

That’s what he’s thinking about when he walks into the new doctor.

"Ouch!" doctor Novak yelps, jumping back and that’s when Dean notices the styrofoam cup in his hand, its content spilled all over the front of his scrubs.

"Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Take it off, take it off," Dean shouts tugging at Novak’s shirt. As the young doctor pulls it over his head, Dean notices the angry red map that the hot liquid left on his skin and hisses in compassion.

He also notices lean muscles and a tattoo, but now’s not the time to think about that.

"It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt that bad," Novak says, but Dean can hear in his voice that he’s just playing tough.

"We need cold watter," Dean says grabbing his arm and hauling him to the closests bathroom which is fortunatelly just a few steps down the hall.

The doctor doesn’t protest when Dean gets the tap running. He just gasps when Dean splashes his abdomen with cold water. Dean’s sure the sound is going to come to him in his wild dreams as well as the feeling of muscles clenching under his hands.

"I’m so sorry, Cas," he says in an attempt to get his thought under control, then he winces realizing that they’re not even on first name basis, not to mention nicknames.

"It’s okay, Dean, it was just an accident," Novak answers with a sigh and Dean’s heart flutters. So maybe they’re on first name basis now. If he knew it would work this way, he would scald the guy with coffee long ago.

"Does it still hurt?" Dean lifts his eyes up from Castiel’s belly and looks him in the eyes. He found the guy very attractive from the first day he saw him, but he’s still stunned by how beautiful he is up close.

"No, it’s fine now," Cas says, his voice so deep it sends a shiver down Dean’s spine.

Only when he feels strong fingers wrap around his wrist does he realize his palm is still splayed on Castiel’s abdomen.

His cheeks might be as well on fire for how warm they suddenly feel.

"I-ugh, okay. Fine. I’ll go now. Work. Sorry again." Dean stutters walking backwards to the door.

He takes the last look at the gloriously half naked doctor Novak, who opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything, and storms out of the bathroom.

He’s going to find himself a nice dark hole and bury himself in it.

 

"Hey, Harvell," Dean greets the young nurse anesthetist as she walks by his table at the cafeteria. She grins at him and takes a seat at his table.

"Hey! Did you hear about doc Novak walking around half naked? Somebody spilled coffee on him or something like that."

Groaning, Dean bangs his head on the table. He feels Jo’s eyes on him.

"Winchester? Is there something I should know about?"

Dean rolls his head to one side so he can look at her.

"I might have been the one who did that," he mutters.

She raises an eyebrow, munching her sandwich. "You did what- oh!"

"Yeah. _Oh_ pretty much covers me stripping him off his scrubs and spraying him with water and kinda accidentally pawing at his stomach."

Jo almost chokes on her food because of how much she laughs.

Dean punches her shoulder. "Hey! Don’t laugh at me. It’s a fucking tragedy. Now I have to avoid the guy until the rest of my life!"

"Why? Maybe he liked it," she says wiggling an eyebrow.

"No, no, stop that! You’re not supposed to tell me that. You have to tell me that he’s straigh!"

Jo’s expression turns utterly confused, she even puts down her sendwich.

"Dean, I don’t understand. What’s your problem with Novak?"

Dean lets out a whiny sound. "My problem is the ridiculous crush I have on him. So I need you to tell me that he’s a terrible person."

Jo hums, tilting his head to one side.

"I don’t think so. He seems kind. He keeps to himself, sure, barely speaks to anyone when it’s not about work, but I didn’t hear anything bad about him. A bit weird but nice. So why is your crush a problem?"

"Are you serious? Having a crush on a doctor is the last thing I need right now."

She purses her lips and shakes her head a little.

"I think a relationship would do you good."

Dean sighs dramatically. "Not a workplace relationship. Did you forget how it ended the last time?"

"You still can’t forgive yourself for Lisa moving to New York, do you? How many times do I need to tell you it wasn’t because of you?"

Dean waves her off. "It doesn’t matter if she would leave even if we didn’t break up. It was hard and it wracked me and I’m in a lot of shit even without this kind of crap. So no. No doctors for me."

"Do as you wish, Dean, just let me remind you that you spend all your time here or asleep, so who else do you want to date than someone who works with you?"

"I don’t know!" He throws his hands up, exasperated. "Not Novak. That’s for sure. Besides I think he’s straight. Probably happily maried with two point five kids."

"You’re an idiot, Winchester."

* * *

 

Dean’s going through some forms when he hears the shouts. "I need a doctor! Where’s the doctor?"

Dean looks up to see Missouri aproaching a giant of a man.

"Sir, I told you you need to wait. There are other people who need help."

"But my leg hurts!" the Neanderthal yells. "You have to treat my wounds you fucking assholes or I’m gonna raise hell!"

"Hey, cool down, buddy!" Dean addresses him as he steps between him and Missouri.

"I’m not gonna cool down!"

"You have to or you’ll have to leave," Dean says in the calmest voice he can muster.

"Are you threatening me, you fucker?" he growls, leaning closer to Dean. His breath smells of alcohol.

"I just want the best for you, if you need treatment, you have to wait."

"I sad I’m not gonna wait here with those sick people!"

"I’m sorry, sir, you need to."

"You know what, boy? I don’t need anything. You need to get me a doctor." With that he pushes Dean hard.

Dean reacts on instinct and punches his chin.

The guy staggers backward, then with an animalistic sound throws himself at Dean.

 

When Dean comes to, he’s on the floor, leaning against a wall and a warm hand is cupping his cheek. His head aches.

"Dean? Do you hear me?" the voice is deep and husky, yet it’s soothing and Dean wants to let it lull him to sleep.

"Dean, come on. Open your eyes." Something in Dean’s mind clicks and he realizes he knows the voice.

He blinks his eyes open to see doctor Novak’s blurred face.

"Hey," he breathes, leaning into Castiel’s touch. To his disappointment, the doctor draws his hand back.

"Dean, can you tell me where you are?"

Dean looks around. There are more people hovering around with worried expressions on their faces.

The events that led to him getting knocked out slowly come to him.

"In the hospital," Dean answers. "Where’s the asshole?"

Castiel’s lips curl into the faintest hint of a smile.

"You remember what happened?"

"Yeah, there was an aggressive drunk patient. I guess I punched him? It’s a bit blurry from that point."

He tries to sit up, clutching his head as the headache gets worse.

Castiel’s hand holds him still. "Easy," he says softly.

"So where’s the guy? Did he hurt anyone else?" Dean asks, getting a bit annoyed by the babying. He’s obviously alright.

"No, you kept him occupied until the security got a hold on him. You saved the day." There’s the hint of a smile that doesn’t reach Cas’ lips but lights up his eyes. It makes Dean feel warm inside.

"I’d like to do a check up and take care of the scratch on your head. Are you ready to try to stand up?"

An injury? Dean touches the spot at his head where the pain pulses the most and feels hot stickiness under his fingers.

"Yeah, yeah, I can get up, it’s just a scratch."

He starts to push himself up, but Castiel insist on supporting him and who is Dean to refuse hot man’s arms wrapped around him?

"I’m fine, see! You can go back to work." He grins at the nurses who’re still giving him concerned looks.

As they walk down the hall, a few people cheers. Dean waves them off, feeling more embarrassed than proud. If he were a real hero, he wouldn’t have gotten knocked out.

Cas sits him down on a hospital bed and starts the examination by shining a flashlight into Dean’s eyes. He hums contently which Dean guesses is a good sign.

"It doesn’t seem like you had a concussion, but you’re off duty for tonight. Is there anyone who can keep an eye on you?"

"Are you kidding me?" Dean blurts out, making the doctor flinch.

"I can’t go home! There’s too much work."

"Yes, there’s a lot of work," Castiel says, his voice calm as he readies himself for cleaning Dean’s wound.

"That’s why we can’t risk you getting sick. What if you faint? Then the other nurses would have even more work, because they would have to take care of you. They’re already distracted by what happened."

Dean frowns. Is the guy trying to guilt-trip him? Well, it kinda works.

The wound really isn’t deep so it fortunatelly doesn’t need stitches. Castiel works on it in silence for a moment which gives Dean too much time to think about how nice he smells and how he can feel the heat radiating from his body through the thin fabric of his scrubs.

Castiel sighs, reaching for band aids.

"I’m torn between praising you for being brave and scolding you for not waiting for the security."

Dean pouts, mildly offended. He looks up at Cas, who frowns, his hands holding the band aid hovering mid-air.

"If I waited for the security, he’d hurt somebody else," Dean says defiantly and bows his head again, letting Cas finish.

"Besides I don’t need your praise."

"Of course not." There’s something strange in his voice which Dean fails to decipher.

"Alright," Castiel breathes out, patting Dean’s shoulder.

"I’m done. You can go home. I’ll take care of the paper work."

"Great. Thanks."

"You didn’t tell me if there’s anyone to look after you," Castiel says as they walk together to the nurses’ station.

"Yeah, my baby brother can do that."

Castiel raises an eyebrow. "Are you sure he’s capable?"

Dean chuckles. "Don’t worry, he’s eighteen and he was accepted to Standford pre-law, so I think he can handle that."

Cas averts his eyes, looking a bit embarrassed. "Alright then," he murmurs.

 

"Dean’s going home," Castiel tells Missouri as they arrive at the counter.

She gives Dean a once over. "Is the self-sacrificing idiot alright?"

Dean gasps in mock horror, clutching his chest. "Hey! I saved your ass. I’m a hero."

She gives him a sarcastic look and turns to Cas.

"He might have a mild concussion. I think he should be set off duty for tonight."

"Alright," she nods and pulls out some forms.

"Is Sam going to get you?" she asks, not looking at Dean.

Dean frowns, he doesn’t want to make Sam pick him up. He’s studying for his finals and is probably stressed out enough.

Cas must have picked up on Dean’s hesitation because he gives Dean’s shoulder a little squeeze.

"My shift ends in twenty minutes. I can give you a ride."

Dean feels his heart giving a hard thud against his breast bone.

"A- alright-" he stutters.

 

Cas drives an old Lincoln Continental. It’s an ugly car and it makes a lot of funny noises, but it’s obvious Castiel is fond of the car.

"You know what? As a reward, I might tweak her a little. I can tell she needs a check- up."

This time Cas’ lips actually curl into a small smile. It’s the first time Dean sees him in his casual clothes and it does weird things to him, because in black shirt and worn out jeans Cas looks more like an ordinary human, so much less unreachable.

Yeah, this whole ordeal isn’t helping to suppress Dean’s crush at all.

"You’re good with cars?" Cas asks.

"Yeah, my old man was a mechanic, he thaught me everything."

"That sounds good."

Dean chuckles. "Yeah fixing cars is great, but nothing in comparison to fixing up people."

Cas shrugs, but Dean can see the proud expression that flickers over his face.

 

"Dean?" Sam calls from the living room before he emerges in the hallway.

"You’re home soon, did something-" he trails off, looking at the band-aid on Dean’s head, then his eyes slide to Cas.

"Sam, this is doctor Castiel Novak. Castiel, my brother Sam."

Sam steps closer to shake Cas’ hand.

"What happened?" Sam asks, eyes big with concern.

"Your brother got into a brawl with an aggressive patient," Cas explains in what Dean recognizes as his doctor voice.

"Oh my god, Dean! I thought you have security workers at the hospital!"

"Well, they weren’t quick enough. But I’m okay, you don’t need to worry."

Sam ignores him, looking at Cas instead. "Is he alright?"

Castiel nods. "He’s fine, but I didn’t want him to drive. He should rest, but you should make sure he doesn’t fall asleep for too long in case he has a concussion. A lot of fluids and lots of rest. If he’s sick, come to the hospital immediately."

Sam nods. "I’ll take care of that."

Dean sighs dramatically. "Come on, guys, I’m a big boy and a nurse, I know what to do."

"You’re also the kind of person that throws himself in danger’s way," Cas says drily.

Dean gapes at him, feeling a hint of betrayal.

"Okay. Thank you for bringing him," Sam says, sounding vey mature and responsible. They shake hands again, then Cas bids them good bye and leaves. Dean looks after him, definitelly not oggling his ass in those tight jeans.

 

"So, the attractive doctor, he a friend of yours?" Sam asks as he cleans away his books and notes from the living room so Dean can settle on the couch.

"Nah, we barely speak. He’s kind of a hermit."

"Hm, but he seems nice," Sam says, going for nonchalance and failing. Dean frowns.

"Stop it, Samantha."

"Stop what?" Sam straightens up and gives him the best of his innocent looks.

"Pushing me into starting something with the doctor."

"I didn’t even hint at that! But if that’s what came into your mind, maybe it means you’re interested in him."

Dean groans and throws a cushion at him, which makes the boy chuckle.

"Shut up, you make my head hurt."

He regrets saying it when he sees Sam’s face turning serious.

"Alright, you should lie down," he says, in a voice that doesn’t leave space for arguments. Dean feels a pang in his chest as he realizes he’s using the big brother voice he must have learned from Dean.

"Fine," he grumbles. Before he obediently flops himself on the couch, he squeezes Sam’s shoulder.

"Sam, I’m gonna be fine."

Sam nods with his lips pressed together in a stern line.

I’m gonna fetch you a glass of water."

"Thanks, Sammy."

* * *

 

From then things go back to normal. Dean and Castiel don’t talk to each other when it’s not work related, but Dean’s feelings toward him don’t change. He thinks it’s alright. There’s nothing bad about having a crush after all, right? He can admire the guy from distance and enjoy the time they spend together even though it’s nothing more but work. And yeah Castiel stares in a few of Dean’s masturbatory fantasies, but that doesn’t hurt anybody.

Sometimes Dean catches himself thinking about what if his friends are right? What if he should take the chance and ask the guy out? Some people are able to work out workspace relationships. The fact that it didn’t work for Dean once doesn’t mean it would be the same with Cas.

When he feels like that, he mentally slaps himself. It would be too complicated. He has enough worries with his job and with taking care of his teenage brother. He doesn’t have time for dating anyway and he had his fair share of quickies in the supply closet to know he wants something more. Besides he’s sure Cas is straight. And probably taken, because who would resist that piece of ass? And even though he seems like a hermit, from the glimps of his "out of duty" self Dean saw, he can tell Cas is different in private.

So Dean’s okay with the situation. Really. until Meg Masters happens.

He knows he shouldn’t give a damn, but when he sees Castiel being pushed to a wall and Meg looking up at him, leaning on his chest and talking in a suggestive tone, he feels a surge of anger. He passes them, stomping his feet as loud as possible, making sure to interrupt whatever kind of an intimate conversation they were having.

 

He tries not to care at all. Cas can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants, it’s not Dean’s bussiness and he doesn’t care. He wasn’t even going to pursue the guy, so there’s not a damn reason to be upset about him being with someone else. So Dean doesn’t care. Or tries at least and almost succeeds.

Not entirely though because when he’s on his break, standing in front of the hospital because he likes the cool night air, chewing a chocolate bar, Castiel shows up.

"Hello, Dean," he says in his trademark husky voice that Dean never ever had dreamed of whispering filth into his ear.

"Hey," Dean answers, not looking at the guy. Well, maybe he’s being a bit grumpy, but that has nothing to do with Cas and Meg, he’s just had a hard day.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Cas asks.

Dean shrugs. "Only if you don’t smoke."

Castiel shakes his head and leans against the wall next to Dean. He unwraps a protein bar and takes a bite.

They eat in silence and normally Dean would be okay with that, but right now there’s a strange energy inside him that makes him feel uncomfortable.

He goes through a few conversation topics in his mind but then gives up. He’s being stupid, but he has to get this off his chest.

"So you and Meg, huh?"

Castiel looks at him, eyes narrowed like he doesn’t know what Dean’s talking about.

"Look I know it’s not my business, but maybe you should know that the girl... she’s a man eater, dude! Seriously, I saw so many guys heartbroken because of her they could form a football team, two actually and have a match. And I get that maybe you’re not taking the thing between you two seriously so it’s okay, but I... I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay?"

Dean inhales sharply, realizing that he said all that in one breath. It’s all true, well at least half of the truth, but it also makes him feel really stupid.

He risks a glance at Cas, who’s expression is hard to decipher.

"I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not my business," Dean mutters, bowing his head. He feels his ears turning red and hopes it’s not visible in the dim light of the outside lamps.

"Thank you for your concern," Cas says and maybe Dean’s imagining it, but he thinks he hears a hint of a smile. He looks up and indeed there’s an amused spark in Cas’ eyes.

"But it’s utterly unnecessary."

"Yeah, right," Dean sighs and averts his eyes again. Now he feels the blush creeping up to his cheeks.

"I’m gay," Cas says and Dean’s heart skips a beat.

He looks at Cas with wide eyes, then tries to school his expression.

"Yeah, uhm, I’m bi," he blurts out, then mentally slaps himself. Cas’ lips twitch into a smile.

"You didn’t need to tell me that."

With his cheeks burning, Dean rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah, I know. Felt like that," he mutters.

"Good," Cas hums and takes another bite of his protein bar.

Dean tries to focus on his food and calm his rapidly beating heart. So Cas is gay, good for him. It doesn’t change anything, anything at all.

After a moment of silence, Dean feels Cas’ eyes on him.

"So was that just about Meg and me or are you against workspace relationships in general?"

Dean chokes on chocolate. What the hell does that question mean? Is Cas asking because he’d be interested in a relationship? No, that doesn’t make sense.

Dean never has a chance to answer. When he stops coughing and takes a breath to say something, he’s interrupted by an ambulance arriving to the parking lot. The usual commotion begins and they have to go back to work.

* * *

 

Weeks go by and Dean and Castiel start to interact more often, usually during a shared break. They talk around mouthfulls of quick snacks. It´s not very personal though, they usually complain about patients. Dean sometimes talks about Sammy and Cas shares little tidbits about his family in return.

Sometimes Dean has to force Cas to eat something or take a nap when the hard work and long days at hospital take a toll on him and he starts to look like a walking corpse. The soft look Cas gives him when he´s thanking him makes Dean warm all over.

But that´s okay. It´s not like he´s falling for the guy, they´re just tentatively forming a friendship, nothing more. It´s safe.

Dean’s life actually starts to seem a bit less chaotic. Sure, Sam is going to leave to Palo Alto soon and Dean’s gonna miss him, but at least he won’t have to sleep on a pull-out couch anymore. The most important thing is that Dean finally managed to pay off a few debts and with Sam getting a full scholarship, their financial situation should be stable.

So Dean is content. He loves his job, even though it’s exhausting and he has a minimum of spare time. His brother is happy and on his way to pursue his dreams.

 Everything is fine.

When the hospital door is pushed open by paramedics pushing a stretcher, it’s nothing unusual. Dean looks up when he hears Lafitte’s deep voice. "Car accident, boy, eighteen, conscious, open fracture of left leg, possible inner bleeding."

His blood freezes in his veins.

"Hello, what’s your name?" doctor Novak asks as he walks by the stretcher, checking the boy’s wounded leg.

"Sam," a week voice answers him. Dean doesn’t see Cas’ wide eyes as he recognizes Dean’s brother. He’s already rushing to them.

"Sam! Oh my god, Sam, what happened?"

"Dean, I’m so sorry." He looks terrible, pale and sweaty, brow creased by pain. Dean squeezes his hand.

"You’re gonna be alright, Sammy, they’ll take care of you."

Sam doesn’t seem to listen to him and keeps apologizing. "I’m so sorry. You didn’t want me to hang out with her. But I didn’t know she was high, I swear I wouldn’t let her drive!"

Dean’s heart stutters. "Ruby? You were with Ruby?"

"I’m so sorry, Dean!"

Dean shakes his head. "It doesn’t matter now. You just need to get well, alright? I’m not mad, everything is gonna be alright."

Sam nods. He looks so young, so small and voulnerable it makes Dean’s chest clench.

The door of the operating room opens before them but when Dean wants to go through, he’s stopped by someone.

He looks up to see Castiel’s serious face.

"You can’t go in, Dean."

"What?" Dean barks. "I have to! It’s my brother."

"I know. It means you’re patient’s family member and not allowed to be present to the surgery."

Dean gapes at him, fumbling for words that don’t come.

"But you... Cas, you don’t understand." He hates how whiny his own voice sounds.

"I have to take care of him. I have to..." His vission gets blurry and his mind flooded by memories of his father pushing his baby brother into his arms, ordering Dean to take care of him.

He’s brought back to present by a strong hand squeezing his shoulder.

"Dean, he’s going to be alright," Castiel says his deep voice anchoring.

"Henriksen and I will get good care of him, but you need to let us work."

Dean nods minutely and takes a deep breath to steady himself.

"Go to Missouri and tell her to give you some menial job to occupy yourself with. Alright?"

"Okay," Dean sighs. "Thank you, Cas."

Castiel nods and hesitates a little, then he pulls Dean into a qick hug.

Dean stares at the door as it closes behind the doctor. Then he goes to Missouri.

 

The only sound in the darkened room is the steady beeping of the machines. Sam looks peaceful lying in the bed, but Dean hates it. He thinks he’s never seen his brother so still. Even in his sleep Sam usually mutters something or kicks his feet as he’s going through some dreamy adventure. The drug induced sleep is probably dream-less.

Sam’s spleen was removed and his leg was fixed, but recovery will take some time which means he won’t be able to start school on time. Dean already dreads the moment he’ll have to tell him.

"Dean?" he hears a familiar voice behind him.

"Hey, Cas," he replies, voice husky from disuse.

"You’ve been here since your shift ended?" Cas asks and Dean nods.

"That was two hours ago."

"Yeah, I know," Dean yawns. He’s dead tired, but he can’t leave.

Castiel walks around the chair Dean’s sitting on, then croaches in front of him. Looking up, he places a hand on Dean’s knee.

"Dean, it’s going to be hours till he wakes up and you need some rest."

"I know, but I need to be here when he wakes up."

"I’m sure you can go home, take a few hours of sleep and be back before he opens his eyes. Beside I was told he knows a lot of people here, he won’t be alone."

Dean bites his lower lip, looking at his brother. Cas is right. He should be ready when Sam wakes up, not looking like shit. He can go home, eat something, take a nap and come back.

"Alright," he sighs, turning back to Cas. The doctor is looking at him with blue eyes tired but caring.

"My shift is over. I can drive you home."

Dean’s heart flutters and suddenly he feels like he can’t fight himself anymore. He cups Cas’ cheeks with his hand and slowly leans in.

He feels the warm puff of surprised exhale leaving Cas’ lips, then Castiel leans back, his hand coming to Dean’s shoulder, stoping him.

"Dean..."

"Oh," Dean chokes out and leans back in his seat. The rejection is like a punch in a gut.

"I’m sorry," he huffs, looking everywhere but at Cas.

"Dean-"

"Hey, don’t." Dean cuts him off and pushes himself to his feet, needing to get far away from the man.

 "I get it, alright?"

"No, you don’t." Castiel’s stern tone makes Dean look at him. He’s standing too and takes a step towards Dean. Dean feels glued to a spot by Cas’ intense stare.

"I just don’t want you to do this when you’re emotionaly unstable. It would feel like getting advantage of you."

Dean’s lips part, but he doesn’t know what to say.

"It doesn’t mean I’m not interested," Cas adds, droping his eyes to the floor and if Dean sees correctly, he’s blushing a bit.

Dean’s head is spinning and his heart is beating so fast that he’s afraid he might faint. He should really get some rest.

"I’m going to take you home, okay?" Cas says, a bit unsure.

"Thank you," Dean breathes.

 

Cas drives him home and Dean knows it should be awkward after he tried to kiss him, but it doesn’t feel weird at all. Probably because he’s too tired to care. Or it can be because Cas said he wouldn’t be against it, just at another time. The though makes Dean’s nerves buzz pleasantly. He has a chance with Cas and he’s going to take it when the circumstances aren’t so terrible.

Cas walks him to the door exactly like he did the other time. It hits Dean that this time there’s no one coming to greet him. He thinks about Sam, all alone and hurting in the hospital. It makes his heart feel heavy, he stops in his tracks, head bowed, and takes a deep breath.

Cas must somehow pick up on the change in Dean’s mood, because he squeezes his shoulder, the gesture becoming familiar.

"Is there anything in the fridge I could use to make a dinner?" Cas asks.

Dean looks at him with unconcealed surprise.

"You want to cook for me?"

Cas’ lips curl into a soft, unsure smile. "If you don’t mind?"

"If I don’t mind?" Dean chuckles, it has a hint of histeria to it. "Of course I don’t mind. I can’t even remeber the last time someone did that for me."

Cas tilts his head to one side. "That’s kind of sad."

Dean just shrugs and leads the way to the kitchen.

"I think there’s some cheese and pasta probably."

"Milk?"

"Yeah." Sam always eats cereals for breakfast, so Dean makes sure they’re stocked.

"Mac and cheese then?" Cas suggest.

"Sounds great." Like on a cue his stomach grumbels, making Cas chuckle.

"What about you go take a shower while I cook?"

"Alright," Dean nods. He stops in the doorway.

"Cas?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

Cas’ smile is so beautiful it makes Dean’s heart melt.

 

The hot shower does miracle. Dean lets all the worries of the day be washed away. Of course he’s still concerned for his brother, but now it’s possible to believe everything is going to be alright.

Castiel’s mac and cheese is delicious.

"Serously, if you ever get bored of medicine, you should become a chef."

Cas rolls his eyes. "It’s just mac and cheese."

"It’s awesome mac and cheese."

"Thanks."

For a moment they just stare into each other’s eyes. It feels a bit like falling and Dean knows there’s no way back.

When they finish, they do the dishes together.

"Alright. Take some sleep. I can pick you up in the morning if you want."

"Wait, Cas," Dean blurts out before he can think twice about what he’s going to say. When Cas turns to him and there’s something hopeful in his eyes, Dean decides not to back off.

"It would be easier for you to stay here. You can take Sam’s bed, I sleep on the pull out couch."

Cas averts his eyes, biting his lower lip. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah, I am. You must be tired too. By the time you would get back to your place you could already be fast asleep here."

Cas considers it for a moment, than nods.

"Fine."

Cas take’s a shower while Dean prepares his makeshift bed. The time with Cas was so easy, so domestic it makes him feel guilty. It’s like he’s taking advantage of Sam not being there.

When Cas returns from the bathroom in his boxers and a burrowed t-shirt, Dean is deep in thoughts. He thinks about the accident, about how he could have prevented it. He should’ve made sure Sam didn’t hang out with Ruby, Dean always knew the girl was trouble. He should’ve checked on Sam more often.

He snaps out of his thoughts when the mattress dips and he feels the warmth radiating from Cas’ body.

"Dean, are you okay?"

Dean shakes his head. Too tired for words.

Cas reaches for his shoulder as usual, but then his palm slides down Dean’s back, rubbing soothingly.

"He’ll be alright."

"I know. But it shouldn’t have happened in the first place."

"You couldn’t have prevented it."

"I should have."

"Dean-"

"It’s my job to protect him! We only have each other! What if... it could have ended much worse and what would I-" a sob rips its way out of his throat as the worst case scenario plays itself in his head.

Cas’ arm wraps around him and the man pulls him against himself.

"But it didn’t. That’s all that matters."

Dean just shakes his head vehemently. Cas doesn’t understand.

"I know you think you’re responsible for him, but he’s becoming an adult. He’s going to make his own decisions and some of them are going to be bad."

Feeling a surge of anger, Dean pushes him away.

"It wasn’t his decision to get almost killed! It was that stupid little bitch!"

"I know, I know, Dean," Cas says placatingly. He pulls Dean into a proper hug and this time Dean wraps himself around him. Breathing in the smell of his own shampoo from Cas’ hair, clinging to him like he’s the only thing that makes sense.

"I’m gonna kill her," Dean sobs into Cas’ shoulder.

"Taking your anger out on a teenage drug addict won’t help anything."

Dean sobs again. How can Cas be so rational?

"But I need to do something!" Dean whines.

Cas runs his hand through Dean’s hair.

"You’ll have a chance. Sam’s going to need you." Dean nods wiping his tears on Cas’ shirt.

"Right now the only thing you can do is get some rest so you have enough energy to help him get well soon."

"You’re right," Dean sighs. He doesn’t let go of Cas though. Feeling the man’s firm body in his arms anchors him, Cas’ steady breath calms his nerves.

Cas doesn’t seem to mind at first, if anything he just holds Dean tighter.

After a few minutes he starts to move and Dean’s afraid he’s going to pull away, but then he realizes Cas’ trying to lay them down.

Dean makes it easier to him and lies on his side, pulling Cas down, draping his arm over himself.

With a soft chuckle Cas curls himself around Dean, hugging him from behind.

Dean lets out a small laugh.

"So I’m too emotionally unstable for a kiss, but cuddling is okay?"

Cas snuggles even closer. "Shut up," he mutters, his lips brushing against the back of Dean’s neck.

* * *

 

Dean’s not sure if the night actually happened the way he remembers it. Did he really try to kiss Cas and did they really spend the night in each other’s arms, or was it just a dream? There’s nothing that would prove it really happened. In the morning, they go back to hospital.

Sam is already awake, but isn’t upset that Dean wasn’t there, because Missouri and Jo and Benny came to see him.

He’s still being eaten by guilt, but other than that he seems to be in good mood, optimistic at least.

Castiel checks his wounds, praises him for getting well quickly, then he disappears.

 

They never talk about the night again, not aknowledge it in any other way. Castiel is busy with his work as always and Dean... well if Dean though his life was complicated before, it was nothing in comparison to this.

Sam spends two weeks in the hospital, but the full recovery takes much longer and includes physical therapy. He tries to manage on his own, but he still needs Dean’s help a lot of times, so Dean has to switch his shift with someone quite often.

That’s not as bad as the fact that they fight almost all the time. Dean is stressed out and Sam is in a bad mood because he’s locked at home instead of getting a new life at college.

Then Sam finally moves to Stanford and Dean can’t say it’s for the better or the worse. He tried to convince Sam that he could start next year, but Sam was too stubborn. On the other hand if there’s someone able to catch up, it’s him. Dean just hopes he won’t be too hard on himself.

He checks on him every day, sometimes even twice. He wouldn’t admit it but it’s not only because he wants to make sure Sam is okay, that he eats and showers regularly, he also misses his baby brother. The appartment is terribly empty without him. Not that Dean spends much time there. There are medical bills to pay so he takes exta shift whenever it’s possible. The chance that he could have a personal life seems so far away, it doesn’t even cross his mind.

They still talk with Cas, but it’s hardly ever anything more than "How you doing?" or "I bough bagels, do you want some?"

Months pass like that and without Dean even noticing, Christmas comes. It doesn’t mean much of a change in Dean’s life, because it’s one of the most stressful times in the hospital, but at least Sam comes home for the break.

And then there’s the Christmas party. Dean loves the Christmas party. It’s basically the only occasion to meet everyone from the hospital (well everyone who’s not on duty that night) out of work. And there’s delicious food and eggnog and cheezy decoration and it’s just the best day of the year.

This time it’s also the first time in months Dean sees Castiel in casual clothes. Unlike Dean who had whole day off, Cas has come to the party after his shift and he looks ruffled and tired but at the same time incredibly hot.

"Hello, Dean," Cas greets in the smokey voice of his. Dean swallows around the lump that forms in his throat when he realizes they’re alone. Everybody’s in the main room, playing some dumb game so Dean has escaped to the kitchen, where he ran into Cas.

"Hey. How are you?" he smiles a bit awkwardly. Cas steps closer, his eyes so intense looking in them makes Dean dizzy.

"Better now," Cas answers, his tone suggestive.

Dean feels warmth spreading through his chest and creeping into his cheeks.

"So, uh. It’s your first Christmas party here, right? Do you like it?"

"Yes, it’s very cheerful," Castiel answers, his eyes dropping to Dean’s lips for a moment. It’s clear that right now he doesn’t give a damn about the party and the only thing he’s interested in is Dean.

The tension between them makes Dean shiver. It’s like all the months they were longing for each other but couldn’t act on that, are pressed into this tiny moment. Dean wouldn’t be surprised if there were actual sparks flying between them right now.

"Cas..." he breathes, not sure what he wants to say.

"Are you drunk?" Cas asks, startling Dean a bit.

"No, I had just a glass of eggnog," Dean answers, gesturing with the glass still in his hand. He frowns because how is this question appropriate in a situation like this?

"Good," Cas sighs. "Because if I don’t kiss you right now I’m gonna combust," Cas explains, lips twitching into a smile.

Huffing out a laugh, Dean lets himself be pulled into a kiss.

Cupping Dean’s cheek with his warm palm, Cas presses their lips together. Dean presses a bit harder and when Cas’ lips part to let out a breath Dean takes the opprtunity to slip his tongue between them. It’s like he snapped Cas’ restrains and the man finally starts to kiss him in earnest, deep and passionate. Dean’s hands fist in the fabric of Castiel’s shirt, clinging to him for dear life. It’s a bit overwhelming and everything Dean wanted for past half a year.

When they break apart to catch a breath, Cas leans his forehead against Dean’s.

"I’d like to take you home," he whispers.

"Yes, please," Dean almost squeals before surging into another kiss.

 

Okay, so maybe falling in love with the new MD resident wasn’t the worst thing that could happen in the life of nurse Dean Winchester. Actually sharing an apartment with Cas makes things easier for Dean. The best part is that even when thigs get rough, he's not dealing with them alone.


End file.
